10 Weeks 6 days: Heel Johnny, Heel!

We went out to a couple places looking at baby stuff today. What's up with the abundence of products that let us treat our kids like dogs? Save your, "you don't have a kids so you don't know" speech for someone who gives a shit. You're treating your kid like a dog... A DOG!

Anyway, here are a few items I found out and about while shopping:







Here we have the wildly popular child leash. I understand you just don't want your kid running off, but it looks like you're taking your kid out for a walk. So if you don't want he/she to run off, maybe you should keep and eye on him/her... And great job hiding it so it looks like a backpack... We're all fooled.












Here we have some handy little doody bags so you can clean up after your dog... I mean kid, when you're out on your walk. And as an added bonus, we're creating more plastic garbage to throw away. Keeping America #1 in garbage production. They make you lazy AND patriotic. WE'RE #1!!!













Of course, if you're too lazy to take your kid out for a walk, you can just put him/her in their portable kennel. Again, a great tool for any parent who is too lazy to actually watch their kids. Maybe Oprah is on, or maybe your ass has gotten so big that getting off the couch is too much work, who knows, the important thing is, your kids are safely confined.









And don't forget your child shock collar. For those annoying kids who make a little too much noise, a little zap goes a long way. With 5 increasing levels, even the most stubborn child will learn that the best kid is seen, not heard.








Don't ever let your child go thirsty with this 2.5 gallon automatic water dish.










You get my point. Your kid is not a cute accessory you picked up from a pet shop. It's a human being.