29 Weeks 2 Days: Death Race

I've done a ton of shit in my life. I actually know a lot of people who have done more, so it doesn't feel like a lot to me, but then I also know a lot of people who haven't done shit so I guess it is. But I want to do more. I like having crazy stories and it feels like the older I get, the less crazy stories I log. In the past few years I've... Uh... Worked and... Uh... Oh, a few years back we went to Leavenworth and had quite the adventure getting home. We almost slid off a cliff, we got stuck in massive flooding. It was fun. But since then... I got nothin'. So I'm compiling a list of things I want to do before I die.

1: I want to fly a helicopter. I'd say learn to fly a helicopter, which is probably where I'll have the chance, but if the opportunity arises and there happens to be a helicopter unguarded... I might hop in and try to get her off the ground.

2: I want to hop a train. I'd like to just hop a train to a random destination. Also I'd like to run on top of a moving train and have to lay down real quick when it's about to go through a tunnel.

3: I want to go into Mexico and then pay a coyote to smuggle me back into the states. Just to see what it's like. And the best part is: if we get caught, I'm a US citizen. I didn't actually do anything illegal.

4: I want to design a costume and go out at night and secretly beat up guys who abuse their kids or wives. I guess it's not a secret anymore. Shhhh, don't tell.

5: I want to buy and old car and rebuild it so it looks like a giant roller skate.

6: I want to make a movie about my life where everything is extremely exaggerated. And I think Jack Black should play me. And I'm best friends with Mr. T.

7: I want be friends with a robot.

8: I want to walk down the entire west coast, with a handkerchief on a stick and a pocket full of dreams. Meeting people and causing trouble.

9: I want to go out treasure hunting. Or maybe go look for D.B. Cooper's money.

10: I want to get another motorcycle, start a little motorcycle gang and take a cross country trip on our hogs. And maybe save a small town from a bigger, meaner motorcycle gang while we're at it.

11: I want to go bull-slapping.

12: I want to to win first prize with something I entered into a state fair.

13: I want to run a marathon.

14: I want to go to a really famous museum and touch one of the exhibits.

15: I want to get kicked out of somewhere for not wearing pants. Anywhere: the movies, Denny's, Barnes & Noble.

16: I want to sneak onto a Hollywood movie lot by wearing elaborate disguises and then get chased all through different sets by security.

17: I want to beat up a midget in self defense.

18: I want to have to smuggle a monkey somewhere. I don't care where. Maybe through airport security or into Disneyland or out of the the Zoo.

19: I want to take a whole bunch of pictures of myself in wacky poses and just send them to 100 random addresses all over the country with SASE's enclosed. Just to see if I get anything back.

20: I want to walk halfway across a casino floor and then break into a dead sprint to see how long it takes for security to tackle me. I'm guessing... 12 seconds. Who wants the over/under?

I'm sure I could do this all night. That's just the way my brain works. If I had a nickle for every time I went, "Oooo, you know what I should do?!" I'd have a lot of nickles. Now it's just a race to do as much of this crap as I can before I die. Who's with me?