I don't know about Halloween. A lot of people know that I'm not a big holiday guy. There is a part of me who thinks I shouldn't celebrate holidays that are based on a religion I don't practice. If people who are not christian celebrate the birth of christ, why don't they just go ahead and start celebrating Hanukkah or Kwanzaa? Oh right, because it's really about buying shit and getting shit. And that's where my biggest problem with holidays comes in: It's what people have turned them into. Christmas is just a big orgy of buying crap to the point that people put themselves into debt over it. Thanksgiving isn't about being thankful. I've cooked food for people on Thanksgiving and its, "I don't like that and I only eat this and you should have made this..." By the way, YOU'RE WELCOME!
Yesterday I needed a new shop vac. Mine died, so I went down to the Fred Meyer to pick one up and it was packed full of last minute shoppers trying to get candy and costume supplies. It was insane. And now that Halloween is over I can't set foot in a store. The Christmas season has completely destroyed any idea of going shopping. Because people become assholes around Christmas. People are miserable, everywhere is crowded and the people are just looking out for themselves. People have gotten trampled in attempts to buy toys or get into sales. Merry fucking Christmas!
All of them: Valentines Day is another attempt to sell shit. And you are obligated to tell your significant other that you love them on Valentines day or it means you don't. Screw you! I won't be dictated as to how or when I love someone. The 4th of July isn't about freedom. Do you think anyone is thinking about our freedom while they light off fireworks? No, they just want to light off fireworks. They light off the fireworks while our president signs a bill to start wiretapping people without a warrant. GO FREEDOM!
Now I've realized that Halloween has been taken too. Not just the crowds, they were actually much better then the Christmas crowds. It's the fear. It's the fact that we get 1 trick or treater because everyone else takes their kid down to the mall to trick or treat because its "safer". Back in the day (which was a Wednesday), people used to make cookies or caramel apples to give out. Not anymore! Some crazy will poison the candy! It happens all the time... Doesn't it?
The answer is no. There was one, I will repeat, ONE documented case of a kid being poisoned by Halloween candy and it turned out to be the kids own parent. In 1974 a man put cyanide in pixie sticks (pre-packaged candy) in order to collect the insurance money from the policy he had placed on his son. You may find a second death, but it was determined that that kid got into his father's heroin stash the day after Halloween and over-dosed. So they sprinkled some on a piece of candy to try to make it look like it was a stranger, but heroin junkies aren't too smart and the police figured it out. Then ever since, a whack-job poisoning candy has been the reason for countless sick kids and every one of them turned out to be caused by something else. That's the beauty of our news, they play the breaking story over and over, "DUMP OUT YOUR CANDY IT'S POISONED!!!" Then when the investigations done, the story is cold and they never broadcast the results. So please, next year, let your kid go out and trick or treat. Make some candy apples and give them to the kids. Have fun.
And I know what you're saying, "What if..." Well, "what if you get in a horrible car accident" doesn't stop you from driving. Actually, you strap your kid in a car seat and do one of the most dangerous activities every day. As you should. Nobody should live life based on "what if". Because it's not rational. You have a 1 in 75 chance of dying in a car accident (and there's no way you'd stop driving) and the odds of a kid getting poisoned candy from a stranger are... Well, there aren't any odds because it's never happened. NEVER HAPPENED!!! But you're still afraid of it.
Look, I'm just trying to make this world a happier place. Yes, you could get attacked if you go out and yes, your kid could get hurt if it does certain activities. But do we really want to be huddle inside all the time asking ourselves "what if"? And where does it end? Can he swim? He might drown. Can he go to school? He might be in a school shooting. Can she go on a date? She might get raped. Can he learn to drive? He might get in an accident. Can he go to church? He might get molested.
Just live. Take a deep breath and just live.
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